i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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