I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize