Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She announced her abortion via fbk
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
