I swear she didn't look like that last week.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
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I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
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That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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