i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
