dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
