4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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