FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
