Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
