Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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