It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
