I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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