i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
