dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
