I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
it's like iHOP with fire
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
