1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
and she was petting her beer can
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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