so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
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