Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
