we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
