She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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