my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
