Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
