I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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