Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
