OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Randomize
