why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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