and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
