He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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