I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
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Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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