I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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