words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
