Do vagina's smell?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
