I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
