pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
one might say we're banned from that church
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
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It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
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I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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