i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
