Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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