She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize