We won't sleep together?
I don't think brook has ever known best
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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