This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
