maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
nutella sex= disaster
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
