My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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