i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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