the condom got lost in my hair
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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