Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
