i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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