census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
