just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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