Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
