my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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