I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
