Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
