All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
