I am puke
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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