What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
