Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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