Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
