i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We left the knife in your bed.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
