The maid of honor just puked.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize