I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
