he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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