i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
