He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
