Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
