..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You are a genius and a whore.
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