My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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