Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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