I'm so fucking centered right now
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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